Rucka Rucka’s Very Rucka Christmas – one of the very worst records ever!


1001 Albums You Must Die Before You Hear

#66: Rucka Rucka Ali – A Very Rucka Christmas (2011)

Sometimes MATT KELLY enjoys listening to ‘bad’ records but Rucka Rucka Ali’s album is beyond that, way beyond. Just don’t go there.

Note: This album was originally released in 2010, but I am reviewing The Second Cumming, a reissue which contains *shudder* additional tracks.

Note also: This despicable release should not be listened to or read about.

With all the sensitivity of a kid who grew up watching South Park thinking Eric Cartman was an aspiration rather than a punchline, rapper Rucka Rucka Ali emerged in the late 2000s on YouTube as an alternative for audiences who didn’t want their comedy watered down by concerns such as political correctness, boundaries, empathy, wit or quality. The Lord Of The Edges, Rucka will make you long for the nuanced, finely tuned joke crafting of Kevin Bloody Wilson and Roy Chubby Brown as his incredibly annoying weedy voice, often given an even more irritating autotune warble, bellows such bon mots as:

“Suck my balls, suck my balls, fat bitches like cake
I like to fuck fat bitches like Catholics like to rape”

to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Slight problem for Rucka Rucka Ali here is that anyone with the mental faculties required to find and stream this stuff isn’t going to find it funny. Along with wisecracks about wife-beating and how Asian men jack off with soy sauce, as well as a deeply held belief that saying “gay” at any time is hysterical, this 24-year-old man proudly trots out all the unoriginal, obvious jokes you thought of when you were 13 but didn’t say because you’re not a total asshole.

A septic tank of repetitive LOLs about killing Muslims and how black people steal things, made more surreal by its soundtrack being Christmas music (‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’ becomes ‘We Wish We Could See Your Bitch’s Tits’) it’s one I needed a shower after listening to and one of the worst things I’ve heard yet.

If you must hear something, his maddening full-length rendition of ‘Twelve Days Of Christmas’ is quite the experience as the narrator gets weed and hos and other such hilarious things, but is really taken over the top by one of the most obnoxious vocal performances I can think of and a backing track that loses its mind as the song spirals into insanity, featuring country and hip hop passages.

The record is so so bad – ‘Christmas In ‘ featuring Toby Queef, Rucka’s Redneck character croaking his way through the laziest, shittiest lyrics you can think of for four-and-a-half minutes is particularly hard to get through. As Toby drones on about the size of Santa’s boner through the epically witless ‘Twas The Night Before Kwanzaa’, I experienced for the first time a longing to track down a physical copy of one of these records so I could smash it.

Racist, idiotic and vile, I wouldn’t even listen to it ironically and I’m writing this list so that should tell you something.


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Matthew Kelly is the most important person in the music industry – the type of obsessive nerd without whom it would have no reason to produce box sets and nine-hour long documentaries.

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