Fun and bedlam with the kids

Isolation Loops #1

March 26, 2020
4 mins read

GARY STEEL lives with his wife and two young children in a remote Northland beach community. How could the coronavirus lockdown make it any more isolated than it already is?


Lockdown at the beach

The official lockdown in this Year Of The Plague started at midnight last night, but for us it started as soon as the 5-year-old scrambled down the steps of the cranky old rural school bus on Monday afternoon.

Suddenly – as they say – “shit was real”.

But did it really mean anything to us? Isolation is me. In normal times, the street where we live might boast a couple of passing cars every hour. In the lead-up to the lockdown, the traffic halved, and the slow trickle of freedom campers bumbling around the tiny roads looking for an entrance to the beach dried up altogether. That’s all, on the face of it.

In reality, having both kids at home – no school, no playdates, no outings, no playgrounds – changed everything, instantly.

Fun and bedlam with the kids

On Tuesday morning, my wife made one last (early) run into town for groceries, thinking she might beat the seething masses. No chance. It’s funny how chickpeas are suddenly a hot item. As vegetarians, dried chickpeas are a staple of our home, but for quite some time the containers have been empty. It wasn’t so long ago that the people who run the food banks for the needy were complaining that they had stacks of tins of chickpeas that no one wanted but no “real food” like sausages.

I minded the little monsters. First, we built a “little house” with blankets over the couch, but the toddler kept launching himself headfirst over the soft part of the blankets and destroying the fragile structure. I had a child’s sleeping bag I’d intended to give to the 5-year-old for Christmas so she could camp on the lawn over summer, and she found this highly amusing for at least five minutes, as did the toddler, who tried his hardest to squash the would-be chrysalis.

The daily walking routine is unchanged

By 10 am the entire living area looked like a bomb had gone off, so I coaxed the little monsters outside to get some fresh air. The toddler was determined to get out the gate and run straight onto the road. Then the tender twosome insisted on running down the street to mimic the daily procedure of getting to the school bus on time. Except that there was no school bus.

By the time my wife got home, the kids had exhausted my energy supply and I felt like a wreck.

We’d decided to include the 5-year-old in a conversation to sort out a work and play schedule starting the following day, but her mind was elsewhere, probably on Elsa or the Little Mermaid. While we patiently explained our ideas, she did her usual distracted and distracting wriggling and hyper-hyperactive stuff and let off the most incredibly annoying sound effects.

More fun and bedlam with the kids

Later, while I hid in my office pretending to work (my electronic category record collection is now nicely alphabetized) my wife gave the 5-year-old her first proper piano lesson and taught her how to make low-fat, low-sugar cupcakes. With sprinkles.

Meanwhile, the 16-month-old Buddha-penguin (as he’s known) walked around scaring us all with his disconcerting new martial arts-style exclamation: “AieeeeeeYAH!” At least it’s less annoying than the metallic squeal he’s so fond of or the helium-filled dinosaur roar he likes surprising us with. So much for starting out with words like “Mama” and “Dadda”.

Wednesday was the eve of the lockdown and the start of four weeks of homeschooling. It’s amazing how children can use all the available (metaphorical) oxygen. It can get intense. You’ve got to know when it’s important to walk away from the bedlam.

While my wife headed into town to pick up some resources for schooling our 5-year-old, I took her along the walking track above the beach and down for a meander along the sand. Often, even in normal times, Ripiro beach is deserted. Today, from the distance we saw a man and a dog, and a husband and wife and three kids headed for the beach, but when it suddenly started raining cats and dogs they ran back up the path like frightened marsupials. We got delightfully wet and then started steaming under the next blast of the sun’s power.

While I was busy in my office applying for a wage subsidy and trying to figure out how we were going to survive for a month with no income, the 5-year-old was drawing pictures and writing a poem for Daddy that went something like: “Dad likes coffee/Listening to music/Eating tomatoes and cream buns.”

Moments later the sun was out again

At 4 pm I attempted to lure her into an hour of fun homework activities, but she ignored me completely, then laughed at me when I got angry. [Note to self: keep cool, four weeks of this could get crazy intense]. Eventually, she conceded and we kind of had fun, but when she practised her letters she couldn’t be bothered getting them right, complaining that she was just too tired.

But of course, she wasn’t too tired to have the daily 30-minute session on the iPad. Happily, however, she agreed to spend it on the Reading Eggs educational programme, rather than those profoundly annoying YouTube videos of American kids (and parents acting like little kids) playing with dolls and toys.

In the end, we got through the day with as little as three complete meltdowns and four moments of discord/aggression between the children (who mostly love each other, but you know… siblings).

Meltdowns? What meltdowns?

Silly me, though: I took the kids for a pre-dinner walk down to the garage to feed the cat, and the 16-month-old patted the decrepit feline then rubbed his hands in his eyes. I’d completely forgotten that he’d just the week before been diagnosed as having an allergy to cats, and he spent an almost sleepless night (as did his Mum) wailing and thrashing about because of the voluminous snot and watering of eyes.

Personally, I think Dad should be grounded for that.

* Note: I wish all families in the 4-week lockdown all the best. Tensions are bound to rise, so remember: do what you need to do to defuse stress, but don’t take it out on others.



Steel has been penning his pungent prose for 40 years for publications too numerous to mention, most of them consigned to the annals of history. He is Witchdoctor's Editor-In-Chief/Music and Film Editor. He has strong opinions and remains unrepentant. Steel's full bio can be found here

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Give a little to support Witchdoctor's quest to save high quality independent journalism. It's easy and painless! Just donate $5 or $10 to our PressPatron account by clicking on the button below.

Witchdoctor straight to your inbox every 2nd week


Advance Paris - Designed with French flair. Amplifiers, Streamers, CD players and more
Previous Story

Craft Beer In The Sticks

Next Story

D-Link Smart Home Security Bundle REVIEW

Latest from Life

Crafty Corner: winter hops

ASHTON BROWN proves that hops put a spring in your step even in the depths of winter by supping on crazy, hazy and even
Go toTop