Kiwi genius invents steam-powered turntable

Forget your VPI’s, Linns, Well-Tempered and other associated pap, the real future of vinyl is steam powered.

Auckland turntable guru Simon Jansen has just commissioned his analogue vision of the future, with more than a nod to a bygone era.

To my ears it does seem to need a touch of attention regarding speed control, and there is also the problem of the horrendous vibration caused by the Steampunks turbine, but there’s no doubting the clever use of steam power in isolating any chance of ground loops and hum from Auckland’s notorious power grid.

Right on Simon, we at Witchdoctor applause your great leap backwards.


  1. maybe it can have its own show
    THOMAS THE TURNTABLE AND FREINDS, with percy the plinth, terry the tonearm, connie the cartridge and sigmund the stylus with guest appearances by barney the belt and and bertie the bearing
    TOOT TOOT, all you need is a voice over by an ex beatle and its bound for glory Weeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

  2. I’d do a darker version and get Sid and Marty Krofft to direct it. Those guys were responsible for ‘Sigmund and the Sea Monsters’, ‘Puf ‘N Stuff’ and the original ‘Land of the Lost’. I’d cast Peter Munt (Sound Decisions audio guru) as the boy who discovers the magical pink oboe, and Arthur Khoubesserian as the evil wizard seeking total control of not only Peter’s cheeky turntable friend, but his all-powerful oboe as well.
    Peter must travel with three fine companions across the land to the nasty city of Hamiltron, and unmake the oboe by casting it off a motorway flyover.

  3. didn’t there used to be steam powered radios way back when or did i imagine that?

  4. i have seen his magical oboe and it would take a troup of ejyptian slaves to lift over the motorway bridge railing

  5. THE Ron Jeremy????

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.