World’s Worst Records – Fallout Boy

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1001 Albums You Must Die Before You Hear
#109: Fallout Boy – We Didn’t Start The Fire (2023)

MATT KELLY is so fed up with Fallout Boy that he writes his own review of this utter dreck in verse.

Back in ’89, Billy Joel then in his prime
Wrote a song of rapid rhymes, historical events
Since then, many fans, have approached various bands
Wishing someone would update it to the present tense

Fallout Boy took Billy’s hit, messed it up and made it shit
Lyrics lack Joel’s laser wit, come off as inane
Captain Planet’s mentioned first, what a way to start a verse
Hold on boys it gets much worse, makes Mania look tame

We didn’t want this remake
Should have been aborted
It was still recorded
Who approved these lyrics
I assume Stump read them
And yet still he said them

Joel referenced the H Bomb, this one goes with Pokemon
Meghan Markle, Spongebob and the Fyre Fest
Talk about temerity, Wentz has confused posterity
With his web browser’s search history contents

Who sits down and types, “polar bears got no ice”
Sits back and thinks “nice, that is staying in”
Twilight’s sparkly vampire dreck is paired with Michael Jackson’s death
Then in the same breath, Fukushima’s leaked radium

Stupid things like Tiger King
Are placed aside the Arab Spring
Tom Delonge’s star-gazing ways
Get in but not the COVID plague
Instead of things that are lasting
They include Iron Man’s casting
Metroid, rhymed with George Floyd
Fallout Boy’s rep is destroyed

The label reps should be fired
Why did they release it?
We should all delete it
Pete Wentz should just retire
These pathetic lyrics
Have us in hysterics
This is so uninspired
They’re just imitating
Instead of creating
These remakes are getting tired
They rehash old songs
And it just goes on and on and on and on and on…

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Matthew Kelly is the most important person in the music industry – the type of obsessive nerd without whom it would have no reason to produce box sets and nine-hour long documentaries.

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