Matthew Kelly
1001 Albums You Must Die Before You Hear
#116: Cattle Decapitation – To Serve Man (2002)
MATT KELLY actually likes Cattle Decapitation but this early blunder is especially bad in a multitude of ways and is endlessly deserving of derision.
After two satisfyingly savage yet primitive independent releases, Cattle Decap found themselves signed to a proper label, no less than the legendary Metal Blade. Surely their first album for MB would be their coming out party and set them on the road to extreme metal glory.
Or it would be the worst thing they ever did. If I didn’t know beforehand that they improved dramatically after this, I would be done with the band. The comic failure of the artwork to be shocking is just the first clue that things aren’t going right, but just wait until you hear the music. This is what death metal sounds like to people who don’t like death metal, Cookie Monster belching incessantly while a cinderblock goes through the spin cycle upstairs from a sweatshop where they test G and D strings for durability.
You wouldn’t know their instruments are capable of other notes/chords from listening to this tedious album. There are no highlights, every track thundering indifferently along to no avail. Something like ‘Writhe In Putrescence’ desperately wants to be provocative but the sound is so sludgy and dull and generic that it only ends up boring – the album is a chore even at just 35 minutes.
Travis Ryan will go on to be one of my favourite death metal vocalists but he can’t save TSM – he pitches his voice way too low here, burbling monotonously into his own shoes, robbing the vocals of dynamics, effect or interest. David Astor’s snare sound may be even worse, with a dry, incessant jackhammer quality that becomes incredibly irritating.
Cattle Decapitation will one day gain a rep for being extreme metal’s social conscience and while there are traces of that here – ‘Testicular Manslaughter’ takes aim at sex offenders and several songs speak to thoughtless over-consumption – it doesn’t compensate for the profoundly unimaginative songwriting and migraine-inducing sound. There’s also plenty of immaturity evident in the lyrics. Worthy of special mention is the unintentionally hilarious ‘Pedeadstrians’ where Ryan imagines himself as a road rager deliberately running people down, growling with dead seriousness
“Walking with your kids?
Their faces are now marked with my skids”
The record also infamously begins with a sample from a genuine beheading video. Arguably there’s a time and a place for art to cross lines such as this, but TSM doesn’t come close to justifying the transgression and it comes across as so much juvenile edgelordery.
Fortunately, it’s all uphill from here for the CD discography, but To Serve Man remains a dreadful example of a “growing pains” record.
