Technology Turns Otherwise Sane Individuals Into Homicidal Maniacs

November 5, 2017

Gadgetry is a wonderful thing, but why are the downsides of technology so infuriating? PAT PILCHER has constructed a list of the top 12 most annoying aspects of our increasingly tech-driven world.

I canโ€™t even begin to imagine a world without gadgetry and technology. How did we ever do simple tasks such as organising an evening out without Facebook, Twitter and cellphones? What about lugging around a bag full of bulky plastic things that each held 90 minutes of music and had to be turned over because they only held a paltry 45 minutes of music on each side?

While thereโ€™s little debate that gadgetry gives us a huge amount of convenience, thereโ€™s more annoying aspects to it than I can count. Feeling the pain of many, Iโ€™ve compiled a list of my top tech hates.

ย 1. โ€˜Freeโ€™

This must be the most abused word on the internet. Letโ€™s get one thing straight here. Free almost never means free. I can live with adverts for free apps, but hidden costs that are only discovered later after youโ€™ve burnt through a chunk of your data allowance for your โ€˜freeโ€™ download are infuriating. New Zealand may have solid consumer protection laws, but the net extends beyond our borders and is only as ethical as its least opportunistic marketer (of whom most have the conscience of a dog on a croquet lawn).

2. App Stores

In theory, app stores sound fantastic. They provide a single place to find apps for your widget. In theory, apps are vetted with the primary aim being to keep rubbish apps at bay. Trouble is this so often isnโ€™t the case. Many apps Iโ€™ve tried on my smartphone bear little to no relation to their app store descriptions. Many claim to be free but sport hidden in-app purchases (as many a parent with kids and credit cards has found to their detriment).

3. Captchas

Captchas (those word things you must decipher to prove you are a real human being) keep spammers at bay by stymying spambots. Trouble is theyโ€™re so annoyingly cryptic that they often halt humans wanting to go about legitimate tasks as well. There are some good alternatives to captcha out there; most seem to be struggling to gain any uptake. Sigh.

4. Streaming Video Adverts

This gets my goat. Iโ€™m waiting an eternity for a webpage to load yet the video advert embedded in it plays instantly and without any hiccups.

It wouldnโ€™t be so bad if the video was amusing, relevant or dare I say it, interesting. Trouble is theyโ€™re usually pushing some lame corporate brand that I donโ€™t give a shit about. Meanwhile, the wait continues as the page takes forever to load and the video grinds on without a glitch.

The big question in my mind is this: Why do these crapulent adverts always play perfectly yet YouTube always stutters and splutters? Grrrrr!

5. Huge Software Updates

There are no excuses for this one. So many people make do with tiny data allowances. Software updates often consume vast amounts of data, blowing small data allowances to smithereens. I recently had three updates for a new game and my gaming console that came to a whopping 2.5GB. This was for a single game title. Sure, security patches and updates are a good thing, but 2.5GB? Thatโ€™s a shit-load of data.

The annoying thing isnโ€™t just that this costs people money thanks to their blown-out data allowances, but that it is so often avoidable. If software companies were to focus more on robust testing and less on cranking out half-baked garbage weโ€™d much smaller updates.

6. Planned Obsolescence

Chaos ensued when file formats for a certain productivity suite were changed in its latest release. Just as annoying was the move from one USB connector to another.

Overnight, a huge number of accessories were obsolete. Joe and Joanne public had to go out and spend yet another pile of cash when their previous accessories worked just fine. Meanwhile, our landfills overflow with toxic piles of obsolete electronics.

Is this just good business practice or straight out corporate greed?

7. Fan Boys

The sad irony of fan boys is this. Theyโ€™re often so fanatical about a brand of gadget that they end up scaring ordinary people away from said gadget brand. This is of course the opposite of what most fan boys want to achieve.

I wonโ€™t even get into how tedious online arguments are between rival fan boy camps. Hey fanboy sad acts, we just donโ€™t care.

8. &^%$#!! Wireless

Whatโ€™s annoying about wireless? For a start thereโ€™s stubborn Bluetooth widgets that simply refuse to pair for no reason at all. Then thereโ€™s Wi-Fi that works in every part of the house, except where you most often sit. I wonโ€™t even mention wireless headphones that sound like theyโ€™re playing audio recorded in a concrete urinal. โ€˜Nuf said, eh?

9. The Inkjet Rort

Inkjets are amazing. Affordable colour printing has become a huge part of our day-to-day existence. Being able to knock out a brochure or print a photo was unimaginable not so long ago. But yep, thereโ€™s downsides.

Ink costs as much as some high-end perfumes or whisky and the inkjet business model revolves around dirt-cheap printers and us paying batshit crazy prices for ink.

At one large retailer I recently saw colour photo inkjet printers on sale for just $45. People were buying four or five of them at once because it was cheaper to buy printers than replacement ink cartridges. The environment simply isnโ€™t a priority here and printer makers need to be held to account.

10. Cable Clutter

Having a cinema in oneโ€™s lounge is nothing short of brilliant. At least that is until something needs to be disconnected or reconnected. Then itโ€™s a cable spaghetti nightmare. HDMI should have resulted in a significant reduction in cable clutter. Unfortunately, the rear of my AV rack looks like a cable factory exploded. What a shame some wireless technologies are so horrible to deal with.

11. Shovel-ware

One of the annoying consequences of downloading โ€˜freeโ€™ software is shovel-ware.

By shovel-ware I mean digital detritus such as toolbars and other garbage you didnโ€™t ask for being installed on your computer as part of a โ€˜freeโ€™ download.

A few months and many downloads later, your browser can become so gummed up with unwanted shovel-ware you never asked for that it barely works.

While downloading free apps from unknown sites is practically asking for such dodgy shenanigans to happen, sadly big name legit sites carry out this dodgy practice too. Techy site Cnet is perhaps one of the worst offenders. I use them as a directory to find out about an app, but nowadays I download the app directly from the developerโ€™s website to avoid unwanted shovel ware being piled onto my PC.

12. Helpdesks

When things go wrong (as they invariably do with tech), your only real option is calling the dreaded help desk.

Some are great. Most are abysmal. Hearing my phone connect to a low budget international phone on the other side of the planet is perhaps the first sign Iโ€™m dealing with the latter, not the former.

Once connected I usually end up talking to someone called Chuck, Charles, Dave or Bob who learnt a few words of English at the cinema. I can barely understand them, and they donโ€™t have a clue what Iโ€™m talking about either.

Several decades later weโ€™ve gone through every repetition and variation of my issues. Resorting to phonetic spelling, semaphore, morse code or even smoke signals doesnโ€™t make any difference.

Several millennia later the call ends, and my problem is still unresolved. Iโ€™m given a case number that is never used for anything.

Perhaps we should boycott companies with offshore help desk operations located in Dirka-dirkastan. Wouldnโ€™t it be great if they in-sourced back to New Zealand?

Pat has been talking about tech on TV, radio and print for over 20 years, having served time as a TV tech guy and currently penning reviews for Witchdoctor. He loves nothing more than rolling his sleeves up and playing with shiny gadgets.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Give a little to support Witchdoctor's quest to save high quality independent journalism. It's easy and painless! Just donate $5 or $10 to our PressPatron account by clicking on the button below.

Authors

WIn a Wiim Ultra Network Music Streamer with Witchdoctor.co.nz
Panasonic Fire TV Be Mesmerised with next gen AI TV
Advance Paris - Designed with French flair. Amplifiers, Streamers, CD players and more www.pqimports.co.nz
Previous Story

New U2 Album Hopefully Won’t Be Foisted On Hapless Apple Owners

Next Story

Punk It Up Returns To Doomed Kings Arms Venue

Latest from Uncategorized

Windows 11 gets AI upgrades

Windows 11 gets a Chat GPT powered upgrade, adding AI smarts, iPhone integration and video calling tweaks, writes PAT PILCHER.

Intel’s Evo spec explained

Intel's new Evo categorisation can be hard to get your head around, but here's PAT PILCHER to explain it all in simple terms.
Go toTop